The Danger of Trust

For quick reference, please have a look at:

http://metapeen.blogspot.com/2013/02/my-skeptical-blindspot-people.html

The author there brings up some very interesting and valid points. Each one of us lives in our own world, a personalized universe with our monogram woven into the fabric of the veil we view the world through. If our particular veil doesn't have some sort of special TrustVision™, how do we deal with the world around us without feeling a constant sense of betrayal? Some of us, much like the author, maintain an inherent trust of people until they betray that.

I'm going to speak from personal experience, because I am not a sociology researcher. My background is in just about everything but social interaction, but I definitely relate to the author of the original article.

The sad truth is that the human condition is a harsh one. Every single one of us has a primary focus on ourselves first, the rest of the world second. This is how we survive. If this wasn't the case, we would give all of our money to the poor, our food to the starving, our homes to the homeless, and our bodies as parts to those in greater need. At that point, you are no longer alive. The instinct to survive is what prevents us from doing those things. We can, of course, give some money to the poor. We can help feed the starving. In some cases, we can even assist in ending homelessness for some. In the end, as we are dying, we can even donate our organs and other vital parts to those who would not survive without them.

This survival instinct is only the first part of this situation. As humans, we also have all of these feelings and thoughts that muck things up. Some of us don't see a problem with deceiving or hurting others emotionally and psychologically in order to achieve our means. If it doesn't hurt us, but it can benefit us, then we do it and live blissfully without a conscience to nag us about the harm we may have caused. In some cases, these same people not only have no idea that they hurt someone, but they have no way to relate to it. They have not ever felt that type of pain, at least not in a significant or profound way, and thus cannot experience empathy. Other times, they are acutely aware of the pain they are causing, but find that doing so raises their endorphin levels and actually brings them pleasure.

Before moving forward, I will say that this is not an all-or-nothing issue. People are generally a mix of these things, and to assume otherwise is to assume that we all fit into some sort of archetype, like characters from a TV show. We are generally much more dynamic than that.

So, what about those of us that are on the other side of this coin? Some people are acutely aware of themselves and the harm they bring to others. These people might go far out of their way in an attempt to ensure that they don't bring harm on others. Often, they have been the recipient of harm, and are more sensitive because of their experiences. It is interesting that people subjected to the exact same pains can have such drastically different reactions, but this is all part of our condition. What I find even more interesting is that the people that are more sensitive to these social pains are also the same people that make themselves more vulnerable to those pains. They want to see the best in people, because they see themselves as inherently good, and just expect that other people are the same way.

They are not.

Many people simply do not care what the consequences of their actions will be on fellow humans. They do not see people as trustworthy. They are able to reflect and realize that they frequently do things to others that are damaging and hurtful, but they also assume that those same people are going to do the same thing to them.

The world contains all sorts of people. Most of us are a decent enough mix of the above. Others lean one direction or the other. You can try to tell the hurtful ones to stop what they are doing, but such a thing is pointless--it would take extreme repercussions to change their ways, and really they would only be doing a thing to avoid the consequences. If they find an opportunity do revert to their previous ways, they'll take it. Likewise, you can spend all day telling the sensitive people to "man up" or "suck it up", but it's meaningless. You could impose repercussions for their sensitivity, but I honestly think we would see a huge spike in suicide rates. There is no easy way to just "turn off" the sensitivity.

What does all of this mean? I don't know. I have personally adopted a policy of distrust. I assume that when people seek me out that they have an ulterior motive, and simply try my best to barrier myself against any negative side effects of that motive. I've even played at manipulative tactics, with some success. I think, in order to survive this world, you have to adopt the skill sets from all sides of these arguments. People will earn your trust over time, and then surprise you by doing something that completely shatters that trust. I now expect it and try to prepare myself emotionally for when it happens. It has nothing to do with love, or friendship, or anything in that space. People are people, and they will do the occasional hurtful thing. I deal with it in a way that feels appropriate. The older I get, the more I find that it is important to call people out on these things, lest they repeat the hurtful action again and again, thus destroying our relationship.

Ultimately, you have to find your own answer, but you need to understand the playing field before starting the game.